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Toshani Back to Krishna
[reprinted from Free Forum]
Dear Devotees of Srila Prabhupada and Lord Krishna,
Please accept my humble obeisances. All Glories to Srila Prabhupada.
My lovely devotee daughter Madhava Toshani, age 13, has passed away in Kuala Lumpur. We came here to see Dr. Santi Rupa arriving from Singapore, but our daughter became very weak and couldn't breathe just after we arrived. Dr. Santi Rupa had a look and said to go immediately to hospital. In the van as we were driven by Simhesvara Prabhu she was gasping for breath and I was chanting loudly close to her face and she was mouthing the words with me.
In the hospital I was chanting close to her face and she looked into my eyes and then her arms raised up as if lifting up above her shoulders and and her head moved back as she left her body to go to Krishna. The doctors revived her but I had already "seen" her with a beautiful female devotee standing behind her. They were both smiling at me and very happy. According to the doctors she expired this morning 4:34 am, November 8th. But I feel she had already left the night before.
The doctors in the hospital said she had advanced lukaemia at a very critical stage. We do not know how this could go unnoticed by the doctors in Australia who checked her entirely. Now she is gone, and we lament her loss greatly.
She had no apparent philosophical view, as she was very simple in her language abilities, yet she was deeply attached to Krishna. Every day, and I mean every day, she would continue her bhajans with tapes, cds, and computer programs like Krsna Soft showing Deities and rathayatras around the world. Her all time favourite bhajan tape/cd was Harinamananda by Vaiyasaki das recorded at a London Sunday feast.
Her first spoken words as a baby were in the bathtub, where she sang her own kirtan, "Prabhupad! Prabhupad! Prabhupad! Bol! over and over. At this time she had no language abilities.
Her life is quite unusual because she could never be held accountable for sin, as she was always a child. Also, since she was always under our care, there was no sinful action performed. Her chanting continued from day to day for hours. Sometimes she would dance her favorite little "duplo" farmer, fireman, workman, etc., up and down on the bed as she chanted Hare Krishna with a tape. As far I can understand she could not have been chanting with any of the ten offenses.
She was joyful at any chance to see Lord Jagannath at Rathayatra. One time the Rath came down the beach to the tent at Byron Bay, but the Lord did not come down to enter the tent. He turned and went back up the beach. As we were planning to enter the tent, we let the chariot move away. She asked, "Where is Lord Jagannath?"
I said, "He's gone back up the beach."
Hearing this she cried very loudly, with tears running down her cheeks. So I said, "Let's go catch Lord Jagannath!" and we ran up the beach fifty metres to catch up, as we cried out "Lord Jagannath! Wait, come back! Wait for us!" laughing all the way. Then we pulled the ropes and chanted Hare Krishna all the way back up the beach.
Madhava Toshani was born with Downs Syndrome and congenital heart disease, which meant she needed open-heart surgery at age 1. She has always been a bit susceptible to health problems, but we had no idea she had lukaemia, despite general check ups and blood tests by doctors. Recently she became pale and weak, leading us to take her to Dr. Santi Rupa in KL.
We would be most grateful for your prayers and blessings for our beloved child.
CHAKRA 10 November 2001
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